The Day After

Saturday, September 16, 2006
The Day After
Current mood: mellow

I keep noticing the day after Michael goes to the doctor he seems to talk up a storm. We spent all day together, playing and watching tv. Michael actually WANTED to watch the Yankee/Red Soxs game. Which, of course, made me VERY happy. We also spent some time looking things up on the internet. I did a YAHOO search of trees and snow. Michael is very into the change of seasons and keeps talking about the snow. He was looking at the photos on the computer screen, saying things like "that is winter. there are no leaves on the tree" and "The trees are blowing in the wind".

It's hard to describe, but I see a difference in him. I was talking to this Mom the other day (she has a kid with ASD) and she said something like "you know how in the past you thought your child was improving, but he wasn't?". She was talking about her own experience, but I really couldn't agree with her. I felt kinda bad to say "well, actually Michael shows a lot of improvement and it's real. Other people see it too".

I have some other friends whose children are SLOWLY improving. Some of them can't read or write. This amazes and confuses me. Why can Michael read and write and not their kids? What is it about my son's brain? Is it genetics? Is it the suppliments? Many of them use suppliments too. OK. So, I get it. It's random. There is no reason to any of this.

So, how do I encourage other people without "bragging and showing off"? How can I be a proud mom? I'll tell someone with typical kids my son said whatever- and they don't get it. I tell someone who has a kid with autism my son said whatever- and it hurts their feelings. So now people can't be happy for each other? It's a contest? It's a race? And it's not about who tries harder or spends more money- because I've spent a lot less money than some people- and their kids have progessed very little. Then I know some parents who dedicate their lives to their kids- some are still affected- others are recovered.

I wonder if parents who have children with Cancer go thru this. It must be just a part of the human condition. I guess I just need to focus on my son and not worry about what everyone else thinks (ha- easier said then done). One thing that I try to practice everyday is visualizing the future. I think about Michael graduating HS, getting married, etc. I have to. If I can't see something, I can't make it happen. So, that's my plan. And for the rest of it- it's luck. Wish us Luck :)